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Lots of work to do on myself.

So I just got out of the hospital:

I have been in the hospital since Thursday morning. Got out today. I seem to be determined to slowly kill myself just like my mom did. I have asthma, COPD, who knows? I could even have emphysema. I am tracking to die just like my mom did and at exactly the same age. I have got to get a handle on this NOW!!!!

What I gotta do:

I have to quit smoking once and for all and for good to start. I have to lose weight. I have to get healthy both physically AND mentally. Frankly, if I don’t get healthy mentally, I will never be able to get healthy physically and vice versa, I guess. Any suggestions out there for me? Clearly the usually motivating factors are not working for me. Factors like wanting to be here for when my kids and grandkids are grown ups. To be fair, Mike is already grown up, but I do want to be around when Katie is grown and I want to see Mike’s son Ryan grow up, too.

How do I do this???

Please someone give me some suggestions. I really need it. Please give me the motivation to do this everyone. I really need your help.


My kids

I have 2 kids whom I love very much. They were born 11 years apart, and while some people might think this is a bad thing, I have come to realize that spacing them out that far (never my intention) was the best thing for all of us.

Each of them got to be my favorite. There was never any sibling rivalry between them because they are so far apart in age. Mike was old enough that he was a wonderful help to me with Katie when she was a baby. On the weekends and during summer vacation from school, he would often get up with her during the night so I didn’t have to do it. What a wonderful kid he is. Now, Mike is grown up and has a son of his own. He is an amazing dad, and I always knew he would be simply because of the fact that he always took such great care of Katie.

I am a lucky woman to have the kids that I have. They are my reason for getting up every day. They are my joy and my happiness in this life. If anything ever happened to either one of them it would absolutely kill me. When I die, I will die knowing that I have fulfilled my purpose in life in raising my 2 wonderful kids.  


The Sorrow: 9/11/2011

So, it’s 9/11, the 10th anniversary of one of the most horrible days ever. The attacks on the US were unbelievable, and it still seems so fresh in my memory. Listening to the radio at work, nothing but horrible sounds coming from there. Watching it on TV that night, nothing but horrible sights to see. People jumping to their deaths rather than being burned alive in the building. What an awful choice that must have been, although I can honestly say that I would probably do that as well. At least a miracle might happen and I might live through the jump. 

My heart still just breaks for the families of the people who were killed on that day. I don’t know anyone personally who died at any of the sites, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t still grieve everyone who did die. I also grieve for the families who lost their loved ones. If there was any way for me to take away their pain I would do it in a heartbeat.

Rest easy. Rest in peace. Surely the gods have had mercy on your souls.

Hello world!

Yes, I have decided to start a blog…you poor people.